what a week...

Its so weird to think that I've already been here for a little over 5 weeks and finished my first 2 summer classes in Chile successfully.

Time flies...I will update more when the mood strikes me.

Tomorrow we start orientation at Catolica...

Let there be rest...

Instead of writing a paper or doing other things that I should probably doing, I've decided to set aside some time to update this blog with more than a few sentences that really don't demonstrate or give much insight into my life to you the reader who probably has no idea what I am talking about half of the time.

I basically spent all of my free time this past week trying to write a paper, a simple one page paper describing why one of the many stories we have read in my contemporary hispanoamericana literature class was contemporary. I literally spent hours just sitting at my computer, easily finding myself distracted by life and having no ability whatsoever to control myself and write the paper. Perhaps, getting lost in these thoughts and spending time catching up with friends is what I needed for sanity perhaps it added to the insanity instead. But nevertheless, I spent (or wasted) time staring into nothingness trying to figure out life. Why I do it? I will never know but at that moment in my life, tryign to figure out my future was more important than writing the paper for the present. And I'm still trying to figure it out. The good news is however, I'm not quite as consumed by my thoughts right now. The beauty of having God in life is that you don't have to figure out things on your own. Now as I'm still wrestling with my thoughts, I have an overwhelming sense of peace surrounding me, a sort of patience caught between wanting to figure it out now and wanting to hang in and hang on for the ride. Maybe it has something to do with the fact also that in God and with God, we find rest. So the break from my homework led to craziness but in the craziness I found peace, peace with God. While, I am still stuck in the puzzle and maze and confusion of my future; I am here today waiting to see what is next in store (and haha doing my best to be a good student once more).

Classes end this week. I have one presentation and one project keeping me away from the end of the tunnel...but really I don't know if I want them to end. With this ending, many of my ISA friends leave to go home. While I have only known them for a month, it feels like I've known them forever. Just watching them changing and listening to their encouragement and laughing together while we make mistakes or experience new things...I will really miss them. But for now we have a week to do many crazy things before they leave. It will keep me busy! Completos tonight...Good bye dinner Tuesday...Salsa Wednesday??...Their final Youth Group Friday...Wow...

I feel like I've been here forever and its only been a little over one month. One month. Its been long and slow all at the same time. I think it hit me just how fast it goes when I watched Felipe say goodbye to his host sister. Its funny how 6 months can make you so close to someone. I can't imagine what the Chileans feel like. They become really good friends with the exchange students and within a short time (compared to a lifetime) they have to say goodbye to someone who has become such a major part of their life. I have attachment issues, I don't think I could manage. But I guess it becomes normal.

I think its funny how my host brother always says "Mira" or "Come on" (both very funnily said). He's helpful at times hard to understand though.

Its interesting watching how families are here. Or just the people in general. They really have no concept of personal space/a bubble. They are very close, touchy feely people. I'm still adjusting...I like my bubble.

Birthday was yesterday.
It was a fairly good birthday.
It started out as a rainy day. Of course, you know, it doesn't rain for weeks and chooses to rain on my birthday. The night before was pretty (pizza, games, waves, beach!) but the morning was gross. However, I was blessed to see the rain clear up (even though I didn't spend time outside, it was still nice...I did get to see the sunset though-sort of). Around 2:30 Amy and Hillary came over for lunch. My family went all out and used fancy plates, etc. The day was full of hugs, kisses, laughter, and fun. We had Mexican food (tacos), a cake with manjar, and real coffee (amy was thrilled!) It was fun. My family even gave me little gifts and sang to me. It was just like being at home...well not really but a reasonable substitute. After eating, etc. we went to my room to hang out. Amy went crazy and started having a converation with Javier, my stuffed dog. It was amusing. And we just hung out for awhile and talked about the saddness of Amy leaving. After that we walked to the mall to see UP! (along the way, we told jokes, Hillary does not laugh at the funny jokes...Amy and I disowned her, Pablo called her a tough crowd). We finally got there (tooo many people in the mall...it was a 'holiday' weekend. Whatever that means...) The movie was amazing! You didnt have to know a lot of Spanish to know what was going on. I wrestled with the fact that it was a movie intended for kids. I guess that's the Children's Lit class coming out in me. I concluded that it is a movie that transcends age. There is laughter and a message for everyone contained inside. The biggest lesson though, is happiness is not found in material things or the past; happiness is found in the joy of the moment and the people we love. As you can see, I really like analyzing things.

Today, like most days has gone fast. I had cake for breakfast (? why, I will never know?) then went to church w/ Pablo...we are always late. I found myself daydreaming and doing a lot of thinking during the service...I had trouble following and I found my thoughts were more consuming-helpful in a sense. Though, I got the big picture and to me, that is all that really matters. I know what it is and how to apply. In God, there is rest.

I'm thankful for the church aspect. It gives me a group of wonderful Chilean friends. It is like a second home because, they make me feel at home and surrounded by love.

Hasta luego.

Had a fun mini birthday fiesta at the beach w/ friends, pizza, pictures, laughter, jokes, etc. :) Me encantan mis amigos Chileanos.

Individual patches are beautiful but together form a masterpiece.

So I made an interesting observation today about myself, my Spanish is at its best when I'm passionate about a topic. Like diversity and maintaining a balance of the past with the present. Me encanta. Anyways, here's what I've been up to:

~Mosaic Taller on Monday. Lots of fun. Cool teacher, yummy pancakey. I learned that I like structure but I don't like routine.
~Tuesday we went to Axce Habana for salsa dancing (lessons included!) it was only 1 mil!! woot. or in Chile, 1 luca.
~Wednesday we went to Cafe Journal, very cool place with good music. Its apparently the place to go on Wednesday nights.
~Thursday was a holiday!! Though it through off today...I thought today was Monday. I slept in or at least tried. My host mom decided that I needed to eat breakfast at 10:30...I really didn't like that idea much. Then after lunch and suffering as I tried to write a paper, Pablo Hillary and I went to the mall/walked around the beach/ate Chinese. I was tired, my spanish failed miserably but whatevs.

Johnny Dep (sp) is now a new verb just so you know. And nose goes means no-se :P

that's all.

I'm living in a world of I don't knows.

Since I should be finishing my paper, I didn't feel like calling anyone to talk about this new crisis in my life. I don't even know if it should be classified as a crisis. Yesterday while I was walking somewhere (probably home) a random thought popped into my head...I started to question my future. I started to question what I want to do with my life. It was just a mini thought that exploded last night when I started to talk to Hillary about it. I don't even know how to express what I am feeling in words. I'm living in a world of I don't knows.

From the words of Mother Theresa...

"I remember . . . while I was going out of my father's house—the sharpness of sense will not be greater, I believe, in the very instant of agony of my death, than it was then. It seemed as if all the bones in my body were wrenched asunder.... There was no such love of God in me then as was able to quench the love I felt for my father and my friends."

Its funny how the little moments in our lives can stop us dead in our tracks and make us question our world and long for the ones we love.

Tonight while I was sitting on my computer finishing my powerpoint presentation for my Culture class, there was a loud bang. I had no idea what it was or what was going on...I thought I missed an earthquake or something. Then I quickly processed information and realized that my host mom was calling for Pablo and that my host dad had collapsed. I stood of course frozen and at that moment all of the Spanish I knew left my brain. How do you respond do something like that? And then after the chaos slowed and he regained consciousness and they went to the hospital, I found myself remembering these words from Mother Theresa that Profesora sent me the other day....And all of a sudden I felt this rush/urgency inside of me. Realizing that I am here and that I'm growing up and feeling just a rush of unexplainable motions but most of all feeling a strong love for my family back in the US. I can't explain it. Its strange really. I was thinking about it today and how much I feel like I haven't been the best daughter, sister, or friend. And then all of a sudden tonight it all hit me. And I just want to spend so spend time with my family. It made me realize just how much I appreciate them so much more and love them for everything. I wish I could go back in time and be the perfect daughter, etc. But now is better than any time. And at my weakest point tonight, I started listening to the radio and the first song that came on when I started to feel this strange sensation was Butterfly Kisses.

To my family and friends back home and at school...I love you all very much and I'm so blessed to have you in my life.

Last night.

So like I've said, life has been a rollercoaster. However, last night things started to look up. I went to church with my friends from ISA and met some more Chileans. It was good. In the mess of the night I somehow got separated from Amy, Hillary, and Erica and ended up eating completos with Lizette, Pablo, and others. It was a lot of fun. I learned a lot from them, even though I didn't always know what was going on...Lizette would fill me in :P I'm really glad that I stayed after youth group to hang out. It was what I needed to do. Lizette encouraged me to do so and I enjoyed it a lot.

After completos we said bye to the group we ate w/ and headed to El Gaton? I don't remember the name but they sell HUGE sandwiches. But I didn't eat any. The group included Pablo, Ronald, Felipe(?), Mckayla(an exchange student from Spring) and her German friend. It was fun! I learned a lot about what to expect for the coming semester too which was great.

I can't wait to hang out w/ them more!

Bowling tonight!

Chao!

On a rollercoaster ride.

Daily life is truly a rollercoaster ride. You know its a lesson everyday. Its an uphill battle, its a downhill coast. Its a changeover here, its a rough stop there. Its a shout of joy, a pang of fear, its a tear of pain. Its life. Sometimes it is a short trip and sometimes it never seems to end. Somedays you want it to end others you never want it to stop. Sometimes you feel secure, sometimes you feel like you are alone. But we are all on this ride together. We hold on for dear life, we throw our hands into the air to express happiness. Our life, our trust is in the hand's of the ride's operator. Sometimes we get angry with them or upset with this person. Other times we cannot seem to praise them enough. We ride solo or we ride together, either way we make it to the end as one. And before we know it all of the fear/anger/joy fades into the horizon as we walk away from one rollercoaster and prepare to wait for the next. We never know what the next one will hold or if it will even be in operation because at any moment, the ride can just stop. At any point, it could cease to function. Sometimes we are given the opportunity via a free pass to wait for another chance or we have to pay a great price to try again. Other times, it is just the end. Ultimately, though, the experience is in the hands of the rider. It could be miserable or it could be great. Sometimes the reactions however are uncontrollable and sickness sets in, but every rollercoaster brings something new to the table. Our only goal is to trust the operator and hold on for dear life to enjoy every moment because who knows when the rollercoasters will close.



Anyways, today was one of those "eh" days. After last night I've started to feel separated again. Everyone says I need to make Chilean friends but I don't know how to...They keep saying at the church... I'll figure it out I guess. I'm struggling with that right now. I'm struggling with the fact that my friends will be leaving in a few weeks and I'm staying. I'm struggling because I miss structure and I miss convenience. I almost feel secluded--and that makes life hard. It seems like lately, I can't understand a word my host family says to me. I can understand my professors and the people in the ISA office perfectly for the most part and I can understand family friends, but my family--nope.

Just need to take a deep breath. I still have 5 months to figure it out.

Bright note: my literature professor seems to think I have a good handle on literature and he is impressed with my writing skills. :)

Happy 5th Birthday to me...

Instead of turning 20, apparently I'm turning 5. Apparently walking alone to my house or to the ice cream place (which is about 10 blocks away from my house on a fairly well lit street) is too far. I felt so bad because my brother had to leave his friend's house to take me home. But at the same time I was annoyed because I wasn't allowed to go home by myself; instead I had to wait 30 minutes in the ice cream place to ride 5 minutes to my house. I could have easily found another way home, this place is full of public transportation. Ugh. that's my rant.

Its true what they say...

Its definitely true what they say...the first week in a new place is good, the second week is really rough--you feel the culture shock hit you hard and you miss home a lot an all things associated with home (people, food, tv, music, etc.) have a tendency to make you upset...life is rough!, but the third week, the third week is so much better, its when you start to realize that it is time to have the time of you life. Its now or never!

By the third week, this new world starts to feel like home. You know your way around the city and know how to use the crazy transportation. I'm not saying you don't have bad times but in general its a lot better. I'm learning more about where I live and the family I'm staying with. I feel like I've graduated elementary school finally, moved through middle school, and I'm almost graduated from high school. Don't know what I mean? Try living in a new culture with a different language, you'll understand. You have to learn how to live again. You have to learn rules, cultural customs, how to eat, how to get anywhere, how to talk, how to shop, and how to make friends. I'm getting used to eating the food--and asking for less. I've learned how to cope with exploding youghurt ;) and I'm enjoying the amount of fruit I get to eat everyday.

Speaking of friends, I think I have a total of 4 Chilean friends now, my brother, my 2 wonderful intercambio leaders, and their friend. Its great. Today my intercambio group went to this really cool, antiguo restaurant (probably not know by tourists...kind of back an alley, secluded, full of antiques, close tables, friendly people, live guitarsts, cool music, and peoples names/pictures/messages written all over the walls...a true Valparaisan experience, definitely recommend it) to eat Chorillanas. Basically chorillanas is a heartattack on a plate haha. But no really it was pretty good. Its french fries, fried onions, scrambled eggs, and steak all together on a large plate. You share it between a group of people. Its a lot of fun. It was cool to hang out w/ the group too because they are so laid back and we learn so much from each other and get a long really well. And to top it off, it was another beautiful, beautiful day.

I look forward to the beautiful days in Valpo. Its so incredible to see the amazing colors here when it is sunny. On one hand, you have the hills or cerros. The hills are full of eclectic, colorful, antique houses. Imagine that with patches of green trees, etc. mixed into a beautiful, richly colored blue sky (with no clouds) and then imagine turning your head to the other side, and seeing the rich, vibrant blue color of the Pacific ocean, with intermintent foamy, white waves, and glicining spots created from the warmth of the suns rays. Its seriously like heaven. Want to know the most interesting part, the city is HUGE but there is no smog...want to know why, the ocean. :) I knew there was another reason why I am obsessed with all of the wonderfulness the ocean brings. Another thing I love about Valpo, is the culture and all of the sights and sounds and smells it brings. There are always street vendors selling anything you could ever imagine/want to buy, music, and action--something going on something to see. I mean the propios are kind of obnoxious but you get used to them and ignore them. But I just love the vibrance and life the city has. Its something different, something new, something fun everyday. Yesterday I will admit I was starting to feel bored with life here because it is now routine and new but you know what I learned, life is what you make of it. So I decided it was time to make the best of it and just go along for the ride. I'm game for anything.

Pictures just don't do these amazing sights justice.

Vina is its own city. Vina is cool too. Its a great place to live, not quite as funky as Valpo but extremely clean and easy to get around in. There is a great ice cream place called Bravismo near McDonalds and it is delicious (I'm going there in a few hours actually!) And there the views of the ocean here are just as impressive if not more. There are cool artesanias and shops to explore. I love my daily walk to the metro because it gives me exercise and I get to feel apart of the city. The dogs never cease to fascinate me and make me want one of my own someday. I really like the Plaza in Vina. Its cozy. I'm excited to explore more. And the Quinta Vergara is fun to explore--its where the big music festival is held and there is an art museum I want to go to. And Museo Founk is cool too. I want to go back and spend more time there. Finally (well not finally but you get the gist) I want to go to el Teatro and see something. It seems cool and its a great reference point.

Not really sure what my weekend plans are yet because I'm learning that in this country, planning isn't important, you just go with the flow. I'll probably hang out w/ my hermano mas (We watched Ice Age 3 the other day...that was interesting but fun!) I don't know what else I want to say...hm...the weekend and past few days have been fun. I'm still enjoying my classes, especially my literature one...the prof is great :)

That's all! Chao for now!

everybody wears blue jeans.

Life is good.

Beaches and waves are goregous. God's gift and way of making up for the lack of fireworks.
I went horseback riding on the beach for 30 minutes (15 w/ everyone and 15 w/ just Kate, Jess, and Juan Fran)...amazingness.
Empanadas (Crab and Loco) were amazing.
Views and Chilean ambiente=perfecto.
Spending the day w/ great friends, priceless.
Climbing a huge, huge, HUGE sand dune...feeling like death...but seeing one of the most incredible sunsets...indescribably incredible.
Arts and crafts time super fun w/ a great teacher who gave us juice, tea, cookies, and sandwiches. Breathtaking view from her super colorful fun studio.
Being creative :) and expressive.


Life's good.

So this one time while shopping in Jumbo...

I had the chance to buy...
something tasty,
something cold,
something familiar.

Turkey Hill Ice Cream.

What is this world coming to?

Though, no complaints.
I want to buy some.