I sing the song....

I sing the song, "Everyday, Its You I live for..." But am I really fulfilling this mission? Everyday am I living like I should? Doing what I should be doing? Right now I'm feeling like that's a negative. But I'm learning about myself. I am learning more about who I am and who I want to become.

This weekend was rather boring. But I really do love the church I go to. The sermon on Sunday was about the Parable of the Sower? I think. It made me think a lot. And we got to sing--my favorite part of worship! Surprisingly I could understand most of what was going on.

Friday- no classes. explored city. ate pancakey/had hotchocolate. talked with hillary and family.

Other than that, I didn't really have an exciting weekend. Friday, after amazing youth group, I went out w/ Pablo and some of his friends to get completos--the best form of hotdog--hotdog w/ avacado, tomato, mayonese, and cheese. Delicious. We had fun walking around. It was good for me. I hope things get better and easier--I want to make more Chilean friends but spend time with my new US friends.

Saturday I went to Jumbo with my host mom. She bought me this seafood type salad thing. I think it was raw seafood cooked with lemon, cilantro, and onion. I forget what was in it but it was pretty tasty. I learned don't ask what is in it, don't look at what you are eating, just eat.

Sunday-didn't do much at all besides sit at a table for 5 hours not understanding what was going on around me...family came (my dad's kids). They talked fast. I could understand the gist most of the time but woah I was uncomfortable because I couldn't participate/know exactly what was going on. The daughter seemed nice though. Well they both seemed nice.

Monday, slept in and went to the Palacio Vergara (where the big Vina music festival is held) --for my project and walked through miraflores. It was a goregous day. The ocean was super beautiful! I went with Hillary and my host brother, so it was fun. I had some trouble understanding what he was saying but my pictures were definitely worth not knowing.

And now...

I love my classes. They are small and the professors seem enthusiastic about the subject material. I just have to get used to homework and projects. Did I mention I am really bad at reading in Spanish? I can do the easy stuff but literature, man I have some trouble. I just need to learn how to read for the main ideas. I am a perfectionist, I focus on details way too much--like specific words. Ughhhh it brings back horrible memories of translating stories when I first started learning Spanish. So now I always have the tendency to want to translate and not read. Frustrating, right? I'll get through it though. I'm glad I am taking this literature class right now so that way if I take one in the Fall, it will be hopefully easier. One thing I do like is that here we don't have to buy textbooks. The texts are emailed or provided in photocopy form--either as packets or bound books. Ah, saves some money :) And I'm finding that I like my classes so much because I can talk easier in them, except when I get nervous and start to jumble my words. I am usually ok if I don't think about it too much and just talk freely.

Accomplishments/Appreciation/Frustrations:
Today I took the Metro all by myself :)
I now have a greater appreciation for my car back at home, it is a long walk to the Metro from my house and when it rains, it pours.
But my host brother took me to buy rain boots.
Unfortunately, the store we went to (Lider) is exactly like Wal Mart...go figure.
I am having problems with this whole not feeling like I left the United States thing.
Oh well.
Eating yummy cookies and drinking nescafe cappaciono. (sp?)
Feeling more independent.
But having wet shoes and pants.
Stupid rain--I know they need it but still it is inconvient.

It is not better. It is not worse. It is only different.
Like peanutbutter, jelly, cheese sandwhiches. Though...I do like them.

Until later. Adios.

rollercoaster.

So I will admit, I am not strong. I'm weak. The past few days have been hard for me. I think the language is really starting to wear at me. I often find myself thinking, 'why on earth are you a Spanish major, you can barely understand the language (orally or written)!?' Then it hit me today, that maybe God is trying to teach me something. Its almost like he is giving me an endurance test, which I feel like I failing at the current moment. I sat at the table today with my family for over 5 hours and barely understood the conversations/ said a word. Then I realized, this is how many people feel everyday, especially the kids who immigrate with their families to the US. Its so hard to sit there and watch the world go by. It hurts. It is frustrating. But through all of this frustration, comes something beautiful. The realization that one day, it won't matter what language you speak. For in heaven, all is understood. God is looking down on us right now and listening to everything we say, feeling every pain we feel. I realized this during church on Friday night and today. I felt the overwhelming presence of God fall over me when we sang songs of praise, songs that I know in English but we sang in Spanish here. Its a beautiful thing to feel.

I hope things start to get easier for me. I'm in a state of frustration but life is a rollercoaster ride, all we need to do is hold on and enjoy the ride.

No matter what language.....

Señor eres fiel y tu misericordia eterna
Gente de toda lengua y nacion
De generacion a generacion

Te adoramos hoy, aleluya, aleluya
 Te adoramos hoy, eres Señor

   Te adoramos hoy, aleluya, aleluya
 Te adoramos hoy, eres Señor
      Eres fiel

//Lord you are good and your mercy endureth forever//
People from every nation and tongue
From generation to generation

We worship you, aleluya, aleluya
We worship you, for who you are
We worship you, aleluya, aleluya
We worship you for who you are
     You are good

       ////You are good, all the time
      All the time, you are good////
   ////Señor eres fiel y tu misericordia eterna////

Gente de toda lengua y nacion
De generacion a generacion

  Te adoramos hoy, aleluya, aleluya
   Te adoramos hoy, eres Señor

 Te adoramos hoy, aleluya, aleluya

Te adoramos hoy, eres Señor

We worship you, aleluya, aleluya
We worship you for who you are

Te adoramos hoy, aleluya, aleluya
 Te adoramos hoy, eres Señor
    Eres fiel

      ////Eres fiel, siempre fiel
     Siempre fiel, eres fiel////

    Eres fiel.

Houston, I have hit a low point.

Everything is fine. I'm just in a really strange mood today. I think culture shock is getting the best of me. I think seeing Profesora yesterday made things hard because I really didn't get to see her for very long and then they left. And I was looking forward to seeing her longer. I don't know. I'm just lonely. I miss being able to be with friends all the time. My host mom is really protective and wants to know where I am/ what I'm doing at all times, which is fine because she really cares but I'm just not used to it. I want to go out and be with friends and explore the city but she didn't seem to like the idea. I just miss independence. I feel like a child again but it is just something I have to get used to. I can't hang out with my host brother at the moment because he is sick so I'm just stuck. I feel lost. But I'm just adjusting. And I'm tired and tired of speaking in Spanish and not knowing what is going on. I want to hang out with people! But I"m just taking it one day at a time. I love my classes and I'm excited to go to the youth group (I've heard so much about this church so I'm ready to experience it for myself--the ISA program director goes there too and she told profesora, Hillary, and I how much she loves it so that's good!) And I"m just ready to start my volunteer placement in July. It'll give me something to do. I'm just so lonely and I love my family here but I want to see different things I want to talk to other people. I love that they care about me and make sure I am happy and comfortable and I just need to adjust and things will be ok. Tomorrow I want to buy a new cell phone so that I can feel happy. I just want to be and to live. Its an experience. I mean I miss you guys and wish I could talk to you without crying but for some reason today has just been rough. I think things are hitting me that I"m here for the next 6 months. I just want to see someone from home. I just need to adjust.

another day...

Today was a long day. I woke up before my mom came in to wake me up and she was like "why are you out of bed, I didn't wake you up yet...get back in bed, I'm bringing breakfast to you!" So that was interesting but its ok. I mean I'm still adjusting to being waited on left and right because I've been living at school for so long. I'm used to a life that is more rushed, I'm not used to taking my time...its strange. I'm accustomed to rushing around so to have someone to tell me to eat the large breakfast slowly (woah!). I'll have to get used to it. But I managed to finish and leave at a decent time. I wasn't late for school today or lost so that it is good; however, I had trouble understanding my host brother on the ride to Catolica. He speaks really fast and quietly! :( He said that I always seem like I am sleeping :( Ugh. Its just that I have trouble understanding him. But no fears I don't want to be frustrated. Tomorrow, I get to ride the micro by myself...oye vey. But I'm excited because we have intercambios (when we are put into groups with Chileano students). That'll be fun talking to them in spanish, etc. I love my classes but I still need to readjust myself to doing homework and stuff. I'm growing accustomed to the fact that it is no longer winter though! And I'm getting used to the cold weather, even if it is really cold. The sky is beautiful and so is the Pacific Ocean ( I get to see it every morning when I go to school).

Today was a long day. I had trouble focusing because I was excited to see Profesora and Dr. Beany. My classes went well and I didn't get lost. During my first class (literature) we learned what literatura contemporanea hispanoamericana meant. I remembered the definition from my literature classes this past year and was excited to participate in the conversation :) My professor explained that it was difficult to define this type of literature in a very round-about way but I was excited because I understood him :)!!!! My second class went well too. We took a field trip to a feria (its like a market, they sell a ton of colorful fruits and vegetables and some other things like fish--without a refigerator...no me gusta este idea). I like the class a lot.

But yeah after class we went to the ISA office to eat lunch and hang out. I had another peanutbutter, jelly, and cheese (yes cheese), sandwhich. It was good. After lunch we walked to the mercado next to the university (it was part of our homework!) and then went to Jumbo so HIllary could buy a cell phone. Jumbo is like Walmart/Target. They sell like all different types of American products, etc. and have kids clothes that have English words on them...it is interesting. This afternoon was better than yesterday when I went w/ an ISA group to register our visas. After unsuccessfully shopping, we went on a tour w/ the University to the Cerro Alegre and Concepcion. Both were very colorful and beautiful. We rode ascensors to the top of the cerros. Oye, me gusta mucha :) I want to go back there. On the ride back to the University I was able to talk with our tour guide some (he is a senior at the university). It was great to talk in Spanish finally because most of the time we speak in English and I don't really like this but whatevs its ok! He said I spoke really well...interesting, I think I sound stupid. But yeah.

Finally we arrived at the ISA office and Hillary and I sat and waited for instructions. I felt like a kindergartener waiting for her mom to pick her up (this is normal I guess...) Finally, one of the ISA staff memebers walked us over to another building ( I had no idea where I was) and ahhhh Profesora was there w/ Dr. Beany. I was excited to see them. I mean its not like I'm homesick but seeing people from home makes me feel good especially since I have like 6 months here. We spoke in Spanish for awhile then switched to English. :) And we spent some time talking to two other students. I thought we were meeting for dinner but nope ( I was a bit hungry but still excited). I wanted to talk to the professors more and tell them everything but we really didn't have much time. We talked on the ride to the hotel where they are staying and talked a bit more but then alas our moms came and we had to leave. I'll admit I cried some when Profesora gave me a hug goodbye because I realized that was the last time I would see someone here from home...It was a bit hard because I'm still adjusting. I really just wanted to go home and cry some but I know that I just have to keep pressing on and trying my best to learn everything.

So here I am now. I had a good dinner w/ my family (it was only my mom and dad because Pablo is sick). We talked about a bunch of different things like my family, favorite foods, etc. I understood a lot finally and could contribute to the conversation. And an hour later here I am still procrastinating on my home just like in the US. I'm a bit sad but this is what I have to do so I am going to do it...


Ohhhh! And I got to see the outside of of the first Lutheran church in Valpo!! I learned why it wasn't very decorated on the outside too (the Catholics mandated that it be this way) but whatever, I was excited :)
Hasta luego.

Bienviendos a Vina del Mar (in winter time, near the Pacific Ocean!)

You'll have to excuse my lack of updates...the past few days have been absolutely crazy and I'm finally getting to the point where I am less overwhelmed. I'll start at the beginning of my journey (because I really haven't even updated my own journal!)

Ok. On Wednesday June 17 around 1:00ish my plane left BWI for Dallas/Fort Worth. I met Hillary at the airport and actually I got to meet her family for the first time (but I already met her sister). My backpack weighed a freakin ton but I only had things that I needed in it so I don't know why it was so heavy. The flight to Texas went smoothly but it felt a little long (it was about 3 1/2 hours- I think...) I didn't have anything to do because well, my bookbag was too big to put under my seat. But anyways, when Hillary and I go to Texas, we had a 6 hour layover so we walked around some. Finally, after not seeing our flight on the departure list, we asked someone from American Airlines where we needed to go. After we found out where we were leaving from, we took the little train (Dallas/Fort Worth is a huge airport) to the right concourse (?). When we got there we sat down for a bit and read. Then for our final meal in the US we went to TIG Fridays. I had ribs! After dinner we sat at our gate for awhile and slowly people from ISA started to gather together! We all got to know each other some what and talked a while before our flight. We were all a bit scared and excited. It was cool meeting other people. Finally, around 8:40 (9:40 at home) I sent my final text messages and we boarded the plane. Adios los Estados Unidos.

I sat with a Chilean man on the plane. He was older and spoke little English. We didn't really talk. I felt bad because we never left our seats during the 9 1/2 hour flight. I think I slept a good bit but I don't remember. I was just thinking about what I was going to experience.

So here goes the fun part...
When you arrive in Chile, be prepared to go through customs. If you have a visa it is a little easier because you don't have to pay when you get there because you have already paid in the US. Its a little difficult to make your way through the entrance because they expect you to speak Spanish right away (and if you are like me, after a long flight, your mouth does not want to speak Spanish right away). But don't worry, its ok. If I can survive, you can survive :P The only thing I remember the guy saying was that I needed to register my visa. (I did that today in Vina del Mar, I really don't know what I did...a person from ISA went with us and basically I just sat in a chair, answered some questions, the ISA lady helped me, and then I was done). But anyways, just don't pack weird things in your bags or else you can't get through customs easily. I waited with two girls I met because 1.) I wanted friends (they will be here all six months with me) 2.) The airline couldn't find one of Brittany's muletas (or in otras palabaras, bags). But it was ok because they found it. Somehow I got separated from them and the people in customs decided that they needed to go through my bag...ugh. I think it was because I brought play doh (its a stress reliever!) Finally after making it through customs, I met my first ISA staff member. Oh man those people are soo nice! They hugged all of us and really took the time to learn our names quickly. I love the ISA staff :) They moved us quickly away from the scary taxi drivers that tried to make us go with them. We were all exhausted but very excited and a little nervous to be there.

After everyone arrived we took a bus to our hotel in Santiago, Rent-A-Home. Oh my, the Andes moutains are GOREGOUS!!! (sp?) But anyways, the bus ride was shortish but there was a long tunnel before entering Santiago. I didn't think it would ever end. When we arrived at our hotel, they divided us into groups. I became the jefa (boss) of my group. Aye I love my group! Amy, Mariel, and I had an apartment to ourselves. It was nice except I didn't have much internet access. During our stay in Santigo, it was cold and rained I think 2 days (maybe only one, I forget now). We ate food in cool cafes (Hamoody and Teateria--the names of two cafes) and we also ate pizza (from Roccos....my friends (Hillary, Chris, Mariel, Amy, Erica, and Katherine) and I had a pizza party, it was a lot of fun, we talked about our homes, our majors, and our schools en los Estados Unidos, it was very interesting to compare our schools) and Italian food (yes, I know, I am in Chile!) Oh and I ate tempura one night! We didnt' go out much at night which was great because that is definitely not my thing. But the entire time, I knew each day, I was overcoming a new challenge--and succeeding. :)

We went to San Cristobal, Palacio de Monedas, la Catedral, una casa de Neruda, an artisan place, a vineyard, and I think I'm forgetting something.

But anways, its beautiful here. I'm in Vina right now. I started classes today at Pontifical Universidad Catalotica (sp?) de Valparaiso. I was a bit scared but it was ok after we found out where my classroom was (my mom and I got lost!) But all is well. I felt like a kindergarten the past few days because I am learning everything and my host mom is always with me (taking me to school, making my lunch, picking me up, telling me how to get home, etc.) That's ok though. Its different but I like it right now. Speaking of host mom..I love my family. I have a fairly large room and I share a house with my host mom, host dad, and a host brother. They are nice and it is cool because they are Christian. I found out tonight how I ended up in this house. God is so wonderful. Everything is working out beautifully. My room has a psalm poster which I love and my family attends a Christian church (the same church that my program director attends!) I'm excited. Also, they have a pretty decent sized youth group (they told me that its great!) My host brother knows some English and my host mom is trying to learn things here and there. It is fun to listen to them talk in English. I probably sound horrible. But whatever, I will get better.

I think that's all I wanted to say now. Other than tomorrow I have to take the micro (bus) by myself to school! But don't worry it is easy! ( I think!) and I get to see PROFESORA :) I'm excited. I have homework so I have to go but GOOD NIGHT!!!

Hasta luego!

Last Day in Santiago

One of these days I will write a decent post about what we've been doing. Right now I'm sitting here getting ready to charge my computer and pack. We meet our host families today, so I'm a bit nervous.

for now...hasta luego.

I'm here!!

Our plane arrived around 7:45 this morning.
Customs was a pain but the mountains we saw on the way in made up for it.
All I know is I failed my, hablas espanol?
It is hard to speak when under pressure.
But whatevs.
Just remember, muy importante. (a document I need)
Then in customs they decided to go through my pink bag (which by the way is a nice shade of gray now...well sort of)
The guy was confused as to what my play dough was :P Hey I like play dough.
So the ISA people are really great.
They gave us all hugs and the customary cheek kisses and made efforts to know our names right away.
They are well organized and keep us all together.
Meeting people has been great too.
It'll take time to learn everyone's names but I'm working on it.
We sat in the airport, loaded a bus, and went to Hotel Rent a Home.
Yes that is its name.
There was a huge tunnel on the way.
If you played the hold your breath until the end game, you would lose.
There were poorish neighborhoods and wannabe american neighborhoods on the way.
But Hotel Rent a Room was close but far enough into the city.
Its great.
The rooms are apartments.
I have good roommates too.
The shower felt amazing.
Internet has been dumb.
There was something I wanted to say but I can't remember it because the girl behind me (my roomie is loud).
It almost feels like we didn't leave the country.
Lunch was cheap but filling.
I had chicken and salad...it was huge and oh orange juice and yummy icecream.
It was caramel and chocolate.
We went to see Santo Cristobal I believe.
At the top of the mountain (we rode up in these like moving cars...it was fun, but semi creepy),
was a statue of the Virgin Mary and the Crucifixion.
It was cool.
Mainly Catholic but still cool.
The views were incredible.
I hope to share the pics soon on Picasa.
On the way we rode the subway.
I was surprised it was rather clean.
And bright.
The streets were kind of crowded.
We saw a protest.
The people wanted the government to relieve their mortgage payments that they couldn't pay.
They were protesting in the river.
It was more like a raging river.
The police were everywhere to make sure no one died.
The people were stupid.
Then we went back to the rooms.
I tried the internet it failed.
It worked for a bit.
My roommates and I went to the grocery store.
I like seeing other country's grocery stores.
It was crowded but cool.
I got a Coke.
I hoped it would help my tummy (it hurts, probably from the salad or chicken from lunch).
It will take some getting used to.
Eventually I can drink the water.
I just need to work up to it.
For dinner we had Italian.
Yes in Chile.
It was good.
I flung spaghetti sauce accidentally at Hillary.
I'm glad she's here w/ me.
Though at least five times today I came up with lines from El Delantal Blanco.
Speaking of which, I learned why pollolo means boyfriend/girlfriend (I think). Because they are bugs and firefighters used to exchange their bug pins.
Haha yeah I know.
I learned something else but I can't remember.
I know I am tired though.
So I think I am going to head to bed.
It sounds good to me.
Long day ahead.
Well long 6 months.
Though I think I found out my volunteer placement.
But that's for another day.
Much love!

In a little over 24 hours...

I will be boarding a plane.

I'm scared, excited, nervous, and every emotion all rolled into one.

I must say this has probably been one of the best summers I have had so far.

All packed. The only thing left is goodbyes...